- **By**: [[beggersbeliefs]] - **Date Published**: 2024-12-16T05:43:43+00:00 - **Date Read**: 2025-02-24T17:04:06+00:00 - [**Read Original**](https://beggersbeliefs.wordpress.com/2024/12/16/from-prison-to-awakening-a-hobos-journey/) - **Tags**: #Homelessness #Prison #Religion **Note:** Below is the text from an online article – none of the writing is by me. TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE. BERIEVEMENT better pull my finger out and get my next post published then hadn’t I? I was hoping to get them out at a faster rate than one per year. I’m aiming to get one out there every week at the very least. Shit, that means I’m already behind, better write something quickly then. Don’t worry, it’s not for want of material, there’s plenty to write about. I’m hesitating again, annoyingly. So much to say, what first though? Straight in with the heart breaking story of our friend and fellow hobo Jakub Lucky whose memorial I attended last week. Thanks to St. Mungo’s us hobos were able to attend the service to celebrate Jakub’s life; Jakub you are loved and missed. Another option is my interview with fellow hobo Bubs whose face is well known in this area, his experience of hobophobia will shock you. Or we could keep it light hearted for now. How about starting a weekly “most ridiculous things people say to hobos” series, with crushingly witty comebacks that I would have said at the time if I was quicker (and wittier). Or a post about all the creepy men that assume I’m a prostitute. With all that and more to look forward to; a fabulous selection of gritty nitty city stories to make you smile, cringe and cry winging their way from me to you, you’ll be seeing the world through hobo eyes in no time. Today I’m going back to basics. I’m going to bring you up to speed on what this spiritual awakening lark is all about. Before I was awoken I didn’t have a clue or any interest for that matter, about spirituality. It’s all or nothing, until it happens to you, there’s no need to know about spiritual awakening. There is, however, a mass awakening in full effect right now, more and more people will be waking up spontaneously and some of you, like me, will not know what on earth is happening. Who knows maybe this blog will help some of you realise what is going on. I’m remembering three years ago. I got released from court after being on remand in Bronzefield prison for four months. I felt amazing, buzzing, alive, alert. I put it down to the excitement of being released. My world was in ultra high definition, my senses all super sharp. My mind was clear, my emotions were overwhelming, I could FEEL all of a sudden. I didn’t really give it much consideration, just went with it, it was full on but I wasn’t complaining, after a couple of days of tears I felt great. Really though, I wasn’t in prison long enough to have proper culture shock when I was released. It wasn’t even six months, it was my first time and because the experience turned out to be most unusual it was also an enriching one. ==I wasn’t sentenced. I was remanded for a minor offence because I had no fixed abode (another systemic hobophobic act which is accepted without question) I went to prison because I didn’t have an address. If I’d had an address I would not have been sent to prison. End of.== Wow. Just wow. I was fully expecting to be released from court and was looking forward to that. I’d used my time there really well; I rediscovered my creative side, did lots of reading, learning, connecting with family and friends, getting fit and most of all having a good long hard think. Who knows how long it had been since I’d done any proper thinking. I think most of my life up to that point was spent doing stuff that helped me to not think about anything, and it was all going pretty well if you ask me. Why would I want to think about anything? I’d totally fucked my life in the most spectacular fashion. I’ve always tried to do things to the best of my ability – including it seems – the destruction of everything I loved and had worked hard all my life for. Who wants to own that? Nope. Much better to keep going with the life fucking at full pelt. I’d started so I’d better finish. I actually really enjoyed prison. It was a relief. Literally, it was an eye opener. Thankyou Bronzefield for lifting that thick, heavy veil from over my eyes, I will hold that prison always in my heart as the catalyst for my awakening; that snapped me out my slumber. Thank you Serco, thank you Lewes Crown Court and that rotten lady judge whose words apart from those confirming my freedom, I did not hear. The regular bit of bird, my first time in prison was a doddle. Not a problem. If I’d been released from court on the first set date my life would be totally different right now. I was feeling energised, inspired, motivated, I could think and feel clearly . It was so exciting; I was chomping at the bit to get going on my next chapter. Then I tested positive for [[Covid]]. Shit. That’s when shit got really real. So it was a few days before my day of judgement, I’m vibrating with excitement, can hardly sit still. I can’t wait to get stuck into this fresh start.. I was probably the most optimistic and positive I’ve felt IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. EVER. Well, you know what comes after a massive high? A devastating low. After the sun must come rain. After the holidays we all know work is waiting for us just around the corner. The better the buzz the more savage the crash. Suicidal? I was so totally crushed I couldn’t even kill myself. Utterly empty. I remember thinking at one moment, wouldn’t it be great if I could just be dead instead of alive. I wasn’t keen on the idea of doing the deed though. If some thoughtful person handed me a loaded gun I can’t say if I’d have actually pulled that trigger or not. If not it would have been through sheer unwillingness to move a muscle, even to bring the misery to an end. Yep. Crushed, I was. Well, at least I can tick rock bottom off the bucket list. Not everyone can say they’ve achieved that, can they? Devastated. I was consumed with sorrow and utterly alone. I shouldn’t have felt mentally attacked from getting covid though should I? No I shouldn’t, because I shouldn’t have been isolated for 26 days. You don’t need to stay in quarantine for any more than 14 days. There’s no way you can still be contagious after 14 days. There’s no point in testing for the virus again because antibodies in the blood will give a false positive result. That’s what happened to me but try telling the screws, nurses, the SOs, the doctor. Try telling any Serco employee that they did something wrong. It doesn’t matter how diplomatic you are (I probably wasn’t very diplomatic to be honest) they will not own it. Serco uniform trumps inmate. End of. Anyways, that’s what woke me up. The total loss of control over my life and denial of many of my basic human rights. Power removed by prison’s neglect. It was the lowest point I’ve ever reached. Not only did I have no control over my life but the ones controlling it seemed to be morons. The frustration, knowing you are in the right but nobody will listen to you. Not only that but the regime that each prisoner is entitled to daily was also denied me. The prison was plunged into chaos from covid get go. Everything we were entitled to was affected negatively by covid. Canteen was messed about with, I didn’t get a shower or any fresh air for up to four days at a time. Medication was missed or late most days and nobody could tell us what was going on. The most upsetting thing was expecting to be collected in the morning from my cell to go to court and from there to be released but the officers doing transportation never turned up to collect me. MAJOR HEAD FUCK. That actually happened twice by the way. Yeah; that was upsetting. Never felt so alone and powerless in my life. Totally helpless. Turns out becoming a hobo is the perfect career move for someone experiencing spiritual awakening. I’ve worked out with hindsight that I experienced a “dark night of the soul” in prison which led to me becoming homeless on the streets in London. This is when one becomes so bloody miserable in your mind and body that your consciousness spontaneously detaches itself from your ego, thus achieving unity consciousness. It’s a big spiritual break through don’t ya know. One love. Eckhart Tolle taught me all about this in his book: The Power of Now. If you haven’t already read it, what are you waiting for? What a brilliant, book to read if you are new to spirituality. It really helped me work out what was going on in my head. Reckon I can do a whole blog about The Power of Now and another one about what it was like discovering this wonderful teacher on YouTube. I love you Eckhart Tolle. Anyways, it’s Monday morning now, I’m hitting the streets of London and hopefully I can persuade some of you to read my offering. If you like it please share and help me fight hobophobia head on. Remember folks a hobo is for life, not just for Christmas:)